Saturday, December 16, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 16


On this day in 1653, Oliver Cromwell becomes Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and Ireland.

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On this day in 1707, the last recorded eruption of Mount Fuji takes place in Japan.

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On this day in 1773, in order to protest a drop in tea taxes that would give a tea monopoly to the East India Company, Samuel Adams and 60 Sons of Liberty dress up in Mohawk drag, sneak onto three British tea ships and dump £18,000 worth of tea into Boston harbor. This Boston Tea Party leads the Brits to implement punitive legislation designed to humiliate Massachusetts by closing Boston to merchant shipping, establishing formal British military rule, making British officials immune to criminal prosecution, and requiring colonists to quarter British troops. This leads to more monkey business by the Sons of Liberty, and before you know it, yadda yadda yadda, America gains her independence.

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On this day in 1826, Benjamin W. Edwards rides into Mexican controlled Nacogdoches, Texas and declares himself ruler of the Republic of Fredonia.

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On this day in 1903, Taj Mahal Palace & Tower first opens its doors to guests.

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On this day in 1915, noted scientist Albert Einstein publishes his "General Theory of Relativity," which posits that people from the same family tend to look alike.

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On this day, in 1916, tough-as-nails monk/mystic Grigori Rasputin is poisoned, bludgeoned, axed, stabbed, castrated and shot by a bunch of aristocrats who fear he is exerting an unnatural control on the Romanov Russian Royal Family. Unfortunately, when they were done, Rasputin was still breathing. So they had to tie a bag of rocks around his legs and toss him into the Neva river, where, finally, he cacked. Ten weeks later, the Romanovs were overthrown by the Bolshevik revolution, just as Rasputin had prophecied while his assailants were murdering him.

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On this day in 1922, President of Poland Gabriel Narutowicz is assassinated by Eligiusz Niewiadomski at the Zachęta Gallery in Warsaw.

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On this day in 1930, bank robber Herman Lamm and members of his crew are killed by a 200-strong posse, following a botched bank robbery in Clinton, Indiana.

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On this day in 1942, Heinrich Himmler orders that Roma candidates for extermination be deported to Auschwitz.

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On this day in 1944, a Nazi V-2 rocket causes 634 deaths when it hits an Antwerp bioscope. Wow! That was one crowded bioscope!

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On this day in 1944, the Battle of the Bulge begins with the surprise offensive of three German armies through the Ardennes forest.

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On this day in 1950, US President Harry Truman proclaims a state of emergency, saying that "communist imperialism" constitutes "a grave threat to the peace of the world" that "imperils the efforts of this country and those of the United Nations to prevent aggression and armed conflict." Furthermore, this particular kind of imperialism is bad, according to Truman, because it doesn't allow victim states "the right to choose those who conduct their Government," nor "the right to engage freely in collective bargaining." Indeed.

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On this day in 1968, the Second Vatican Council officially revokes the Edict of Expulsion of Jews from Spain.

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On this day in 1985, in New York City, New York, Paul Castellano and Thomas Bilotti are shot dead on the orders of John Gotti, who assumes leadership of the Gambino family.

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On this day in 2009, Avatar is released internationally. It would later be the first film to gross $2 billion and the highest grossing movie of all time.

Friday, December 15, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 15



Happy ZAMENHOF DAY to all five Daily Dirt readers who speak Esperanto! To learn more about the rich tradition of Zamenhof Day and all it entails, click here!

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On this day in 1810, a group of Irish entrepreneurs decide to combat the rising tide of anti-Irish stereotyping by launching America's first Irish culture magazine. Unfortunately, they shoot themselves in the foot when they decided to call it... The Shamrock. That's like Italians putting out an magazine devoted to the Italian American experience and calling it The Meatball!

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On this day in 1890, Hunkpapa Lakota leader Sitting Bull killed on Standing Rock Indian Reservation, leading to the Wounded Knee Massacre.

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On this day in 1945, General Douglas MacArthur orders that Shinto be abolished as the state religion of Japan.

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On this day in 1960, Richard Paul Pavlick is arrested for attempting to blow up and assassinate the U.S. President-Elect, John F. Kennedy only four days earlier.

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On this day in 1961, in Jerusalem, Israel Adolf Eichmann is sentenced to death after being found guilty of 15 criminal charges, including charges of crimes against humanity, crimes against the Jewish people and membership of an outlawed organization.

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After a number of people had prophetic dreams about a river disaster - and after the plethora of Mothman incidents - it was on this day in 1967 that the Silver Bridge collapsed in Point Pleasant West Virginia, killing 46 people.

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On this day in 1970, the Soviet spacecraft Venera 7 successfully land on Venus. It is the first successful soft landing on another planet

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On this day in 1973, John Paul Getty III, grandson of American billionaire J. Paul Getty, is found alive near Naples, Italy, after being kidnapped by an Italian gang on July 10, 1973.

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On this day in 1973, the American Psychiatric Association votes 13–0 to remove homosexuality from its official list of psychiatric disorders, the DSM-II.

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On this day in 1985, diminutive thespian Sylvester Stallone weds statuesque Eurotrash plastic-surgery-test-dummy Brigitte Nielson, despite being able to walk between her legs without bending over.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 14



On this day in 1287, the St. Lucia flood takes place when the Zuiderzee sea wall in the Netherlands collapses, killing between 50,000 to 80,000 people.

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On this day, in the year 1503, noted physician and visionary Nostradamus is born.

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On this day in 1900, Kraut physicist Max Planck publishes his groundbreaking quantum theory of subatomic relations, forever changing the face of modern physics. Essentially, Planck demonstrated that radiant energy, depending on the circumstances, can exhibit characteristics previously thought to be the exclusive domain of physical matter. In other words, it can behave as both wave and particle. Subsequent experiments and theorems posited by other scientists like Albert Einstein, Niels Bohr and Erwin Schrodinger made possible the development of quantum mechanics, which allows multiple collision centers from all over town to work on the same car at the same time. Spooky, ain't it?

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On this day in 1911, Roald Amundsen's team, comprising himself, Olav Bjaaland, Helmer Hanssen, Sverre Hassel, and Oscar Wisting, becomes the first to reach the South Pole.

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On this day in 1962, NASA's Mariner 2 becomes the first spacecraft to fly by Venus.

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On this day in 1981, Israel's Knesset passes The Golan Heights Law, extending Israeli law to the area of the Golan Heights.

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On this day in 1990, a gravely ill and suffering Nancy Cruzan wins the right to have her feeding tube removed. Because doctors aren't allowed to assist in her suicide, it takes Nancy 12 days to die of dehydration and starvation.

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On this day in 1994, construction begins on the Three Gorges Dam on the Yangtze River.

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On this day in 1999, torrential rains cause flash floods in Vargas, Venezuela, resulting in tens of thousands of deaths, the destruction of thousands of homes, and the complete collapse of the state's infrastructure. Hell of a day for floods, eh?

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On this day in 2004, the Millau Viaduct, the tallest bridge in the world, near Millau, France is officially opened.

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On this day in 2008, Muntadhar al-Zaidi threw his shoes at then U.S. President George W. Bush during a press conference in Baghdad, Iraq.

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On this day in 2012, 28 people, including the gunman, are killed in a mass shooting in Sandy Hook village, Newtown, Connecticut. launching a bunch of the dumbest conspiracy theories anybody ever heard of, unmatched in their stupidity until the Boston Marathon bombing, soon thereafter.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 13


Happy REPUBLIC DAY to all seven Daily Dirt readers living on the tiny tourist-trap European island of Malta! Now that you've wandered in from the city of Saint John without a dime, can you see the glory (see the, glory of) of the Royal Scam?

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On this day in 1937, the Battle of Nanking takes place. The city of Nanjing, defended by the National Revolutionary Army under the command of General Tang Shengzhi, falls to the Japanese, whose troops begin carrying out several weeks worth of raping and murdering hundreds of thousands civilians and suspected Chinese resistance.

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On this day in 1949, the Knesset votes to move the capital of Israel to Jerusalem. It doesn't work out so well. For anyone.

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On this day in 1972, Eugene Cernan and Harrison Schmitt begin the third and final Extra-vehicular activity (EVA) or "Moonwalk" of Apollo 17. To date they are the last humans to set foot on the Moon.

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On this day in 2002, the last Guns N' Roses tour was officially called off after Axl Rose skipped a show in Philly in order to watch a basketball game on TV. This sparked another one of those fan riots GnR were so famous for, patting down the final spadeful of dirt on the grave of this misbegotten and thankfully aborted 80s Revival they were trying to foist on us there, for a while.

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On this day in 2003, former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein is captured after being pulled from a spider hole near his hometown of Tikrit. Or was he?

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 12


On this day in 1098, Crusaders breach the town of Ma'arrat al-Numan's walls and massacre about 20,000 inhabitants. After finding themselves with insufficient food, they resort to cannibalism.

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On this day in 1408, the Order of the Dragon a monarchical chivalric order is created by Sigismund of Luxembourg, then King of Hungary.

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On this day in 1900, Lift Every Voice and Sing - the Black National Anthem - is composed. It's a beautiful song.

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On this day in 1917, Michael Jackson's most favorite place in the whole wide world - Boys Town! - is founded by Father Flanagan, just outside Omaha, Nebraska. Also on this day in 1917, the worst train disaster ever occurs in Modane, France, when a train goes off the rails just before entering the Mount Cenis tunnel. An incredible five hundred and forty-three soldiers perish in the crash and ensuing blaze.

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On this day in 1941, Adolf Hitler announces extermination of the Jews at a meeting in the Reich Chancellery

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On this day in 1957, Rock and Roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis manages to break two taboos (at least!) in one fell swoop when he marries his 13 year old cousin Myra Gale Brown while still married to his first wife, Jane Mitcham.

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On this day in 1959, the United Nations Committee on the Peaceful Use of Outer Space is established, then ignored.

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On this day in 1969, the Piazza Fontana bombing takes place when the offices of Banca Nazionale dell'Agricoltura in Piazza Fontana, Milan, are bombed as part of Gladio and the Strategy of Tension.

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On this day in 1979, South Korean Army Major General Chun Doo-hwan orders the arrest of Army Chief of Staff General Jeong Seung-hwa without authorization from President Choi Kyu-ha, alleging involvement in the assassination of ex-President Park Chung Hee.

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On this day in the year 2000, the Supreme Court of the United States of America delivers their most ridiculous, indefensible decision since Dred Scott. Click HERE for scads of information about the transparently partisan BUSH vs. GORE decision - among other things - then click HERE for Vincent Bugliosi's blistering, eloquent essay, None Dare Call it Treason, which painstakingly and exactingly dissects the decision, concluding that five Republican-appointed Justices committed "the unpardonable sin of being a knowing surrogate for the Republican Party instead of being an impartial arbiter of the law." That's why some of us now refer to Rehnquist, Scalia, Kennedy, O'Connor and Thomas as the December Criminals. Okay, so only yer old pal Jerky calls them that. It's still an apt moniker for those treasonous suckers of Satan's cock.

Monday, December 11, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 11


On this day in 220, Cao Pi forces Emperor Xian of Han to abdicate the Han Dynasty throne. The Cao Wei empire is established. The Three Kingdoms period begins.

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On this day in 630, Muhammad leads an army of 10,000 to conquer Mecca.

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On this day in 1792, King Louis XVI of France is put on trial for treason by the National Convention.

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On this day in 1901, Italian inventor Guglielmo Marconi transmits the first ever transatlantic radio signal from Cornwall, England, to Saint John, Newfoundland. The transmission consisted of a single letter of the alphabet: "S." To this day, the Newfoundlanders are trying to figure out what he meant. Was it a secret code? Or maybe a thinly veiled insult? It's all so confusing.

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On this day in 1934, Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, takes his last drink and enters treatment for the last time.

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On this day in 1941, Germany and Italy make the biggest mistake in their nations' histories when they officially declare war upon the United States of America.

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On this day in 1964, Che Guevara speaks at the United Nations General Assembly in New York, New York.

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On this day in 1968, The Rolling Stones "Rock and Roll Circus" featuring Jethro Tull, The Who, Taj Mahal, Marianne Faithfull, John Lennon, Eric Clapton and Yoko Ono is filmed at the Intertel Studio, Wycombe Road, Wembley. It doesn't see the light of day for decades because the Stones were embarrassed at being upstaged by both The Who and Tull. It was eventually released as a DVD in 1996.

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On this day in 1972, Apollo 17 becomes the sixth and last Apollo mission to land on the Moon.

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On this day in 1981, the El Mozote massacre takes place when armed forces in El Salvador kill an estimated 900 civilians in an anti-guerrilla campaign during the Salvadoran Civil War.

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On this day in 1997, the Kyoto Protocol opens for signature.

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On this day in 1999, after mass panic grips the nation, President Bill Clinton signs legislation banning so-called "crush" videos, wherein women are videotaped crushing tiny animals - such as mice, worms and frogs - beneath high heels. Occasionally, they would do this while naked or masturbating, but such pornographic accouterments were of secondary interest to the crush fan, who was in it for the crush. Amusingly, in order for the law to pass Constitutional muster, the people who wrote it had to include a loophole exception for works of "serious religious, political, scientific, educational, journalistic, historical or artistic value." Which begs the question, outside of the Vatican library, where would one be able to find works of "serious, religious, political, scientific, educational, journalistic, historical and artistic value" that feature footage of scanty-clad women stomping gerbils underfoot? Ann Coulter's apartment?

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On this day in 2006, The International Conference to Review the Global Vision of the Holocaust is opened in Tehran, Iran by then-president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; nations such as Israel and the United States express concern.

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On this day in 2006, Felipe Calderón, the President of Mexico, launches a military-led offensive to put down the drug cartel violence in the state of Michoacán. This effort is often regarded as the first event in the Mexican Drug War.

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On this day in 2008, Bernard Madoff is arrested and charged with securities fraud in a $50 billion Ponzi scheme.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 10


On this day in 1988, a massive earthquake of Biblical proportions rips the Armenian city of Spitak and surrounding areas asunder, snuffing out 100,000 souls by the time it had run its course. Tiny, isolated Armenia had just over three million citizens to begin with. So to put those casualties in their proper, "per capita" perspective, you have to imagine some monstrous natural disaster - an asteroid collision, perhaps, or a massive tsunami - claiming TEN MILLION American lives. Kinda boggles the fricken' mind, don't it?

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On this day in 2004, Gary Webb - the investigative journalist who dug deep into the cephalopodan entanglements between the CIA, right-wing Central American drug lords, New World Order elites and the crack cocaine pandemic that swept through America's inner cities - dies. Victim of an apparent suicide, Webb immediately ascended to the Paranoid's Pantheon alongside such notable truth-warriors as Dorothy Kilgallen, Danny Casolaro, Steve Kangas, Jim Hatfield, Mark Lombardi and countless others who've been rewarded for their efforts by being fed through the Buzzsaw. You can find a collection of Webb's stories on the Dark Alliance here. You can also read his final published story, The Killing Game, which examines the ulterior motives behind the Pentagon's free, online "first-person shooter" videogame, and the sinister implications of their subsequent observations of player behavior.

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Some dude by the name of Gregory must have been pretty darn proud of himself on this day in 1582, when France switched over to the "Gregorian" calendar.

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On this day in 1898, after costing nearly four thousand American military lives and untold "enemy" casualties, the Spanish-American War - in many ways, the Iraq War of its day - comes to an end with the USA in possession of the Philippines, Puerto Rico and Guam. These days, you can find Filipino restaurants in every big city, where you can also find lots and lots of Puerto Ricans. But what about Guam? So far, we've seen sweet fuck all from these fuckers. What's the matter, Guam? Aren't you glad America saved your asses from turn-of-the-century Spanish tyranny?! Send us some restaurants and/or sexy, big-assed actresses to drool over! It's long past time you paid the soldier's blood-debt you so clearly owe us.

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On this day in 1971, racist sack of shit William Hubbs Rehnquist is confirmed by Richard Nixon to be a "justice" (how ironic) on the Supreme Court of the Land. Meanwhile, down in Hell, Satan, laughing, spreads his wings.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 9


On this day in 730, the Khazars annihilate an Umayyad army and kill its commander, al-Jarrah ibn Abdallah al-Hakami, at the Battle of Marj Ardabil.

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On this day in 1793, New York City's first daily newspaper, the American Minerva, is established by Noah Webster.

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On this day in 1851, the first YMCA in North America is established in Montreal, Quebec.

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On this day in 1872, in Louisiana, P.B.S. Pinchback becomes the first serving African-American governor of a US state.

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On this day in 1935, Walter Liggett, American newspaper editor and muckraker, is killed in gangland murder.

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On this day in 1946, the "Subsequent Nuremberg Trials" begin with the "Doctors' Trial", prosecuting doctors alleged to be involved in human experimentation. Mengele, unfortunately, the infamous Doctor Death, isn't there. He's hiding out in South America, where he will remain for decades, undetected.

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On this day in 1950, Harry Gold is sentenced to 30 years in jail for helping Klaus Fuchs pass information about the Manhattan Project to the Soviet Union. His testimony is later instrumental in the prosecution of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, who both fry for their efforts.

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On this day in 1953, General Electric announces that all communist employees will be discharged from the company.

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On this day in 1958, the virulently right-wing John Birch Society is founded in the United States.

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On this day in 1960, the first episode of the world's longest-running television soap opera Coronation Street is broadcast in the United Kingdom.

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On this day in 1963, three amateur kidnappers snatch 19-year-old Frank Sinatra Jr. from a motel room in Lake Tahoe. Frank Jr. is held hostage for four days, until Frank Sr. pays the kidnappers' ransom demand of $240,000. The kidnappers were apprehended almost immediately. After serving his time, the "brains" behind the kidnapping - Barry Keenan, a close friend of Jr's sister Nancy - went on to make a fortune in real-estate speculation.

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On this day in 1979, the eradication of the smallpox virus is certified, making smallpox the first and to date only human disease driven to extinction.

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On this day in 1981, porno superstar John Holmes is charged with taking part in the brutal iron-bar torture/murders of four underworld figures in California's Laurel Canyon. He is found guilty and spends a few years in jail, where his experience in gay porn comes in real handy.

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On this day in 1992, the would-be King of England and his fairytale bride send British Prime Minister John Major out to officially inform their pudding-slurping, East Enders-watching subjects that their loveless charade of a marriage was finally coming to a legal and incontrovertible end. Once they had rid themselves of each other's company, Charles and Diana were free to explore life-options that had heretofore been closed off to them. And so it was that the Prince began to work on a revolutionary line of sentient horse tampons, while his former bride Diana fucked her way through an innumerable assortment of Egyptians, footballers, and well-hung veterans of the Falklands Conflict.

Friday, December 8, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 8


On this day in 1660, a woman - either Margaret Hughes or Anne Marshall - appears on an English public stage for the first time, in the role of Desdemona in a production of Shakespeare's play Othello.

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On this day in 1792, one Henry Laurens - the details of his life lost to history's blind spots - becomes the first person ever to be cremated in the New World of America. Until then, we'd either been burying our dearly departed in graveyards, or devouring their remains to stave off starvation in quiet, desperate shame.

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On this day in 1854, in his Apostolic constitution Ineffabilis Deus, Pope Pius IX proclaims the dogmatic definition of "Immaculate Conception", which holds that the Virgin Mary was conceived free of original sin.

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On this day in 1927, the Brookings Institution, one of the United States' oldest think tanks (I prefer to call them "brain brothels", where one can hire the dubious charms of various "thought-stitutes"), is founded through the merger of three organizations that had been created by philanthropist Robert S. Brookings.

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On this day in 1941, US President Franklin D. Roosevelt declares December 7 to be "a date which will live in infamy", after which the U.S. and the Republic of China declare war against Japan.

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On this day in 1976, the General Assembly re-elects Kurt Waldheim for a second term as Secretary-General of the United Nations, and it's easy to see why. Waldheim had a truly kick-ass résumé at the time. Especially for a frickin' NAZI*!

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On this day in 1980, former Beatle John Lennon is gunned down by pathetic loser Mark David Chapman in front of the Dakota, the Manhattan apartment building where Roman Polanski’s Rosemary’s Baby was shot.

[*Pssst! 
The CIA only exposed Waldheim's Nazi affiliations after he stopped being a Nazi! 
It's true! Pass it on! - Jerky]

Thursday, December 7, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 7


On this day in 1869, American outlaw Jesse James commits his first confirmed bank robbery in Gallatin, Missouri.

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On this day in 1891, the United States' fifty-second Congress holds their first session. This Congress is significant, as they are the first Congress to have over $1 BILLION dollars to play with. And, you know, a billion dollars was a lot of money back then!

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On this day in 1930, W1XAV in Boston, Massachusetts broadcasts video from the CBS radio orchestra program, The Fox Trappers. The broadcast also includes the first television commercial in the United States, an advertisement for IJ Fox Furriers, who sponsored the radio show.

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On this day in 1941, at 7:53 in the morning, three-hundred-and-fifty-three Japanese bombers engage in a sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. In their wake, the bastards leave 2,403 dead soldiers and civilians, 188 destroyed planes, and a crippled Pacific battleship fleet. By attacking American forces, however, the Japanese bit off more than they could chew. As Churchill wrote in his memoirs: "Now at this very moment I knew the United States was in the war, up to the neck and in to the death... Hitler's fate was sealed.Mussolini's fate was sealed. As for the Japanese, they would be ground to powder." And so it was... for a time.

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On this day in 1975, Indonesia invades East Timor.

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On this day in 1982, in Texas, Charles Brooks Jr. becomes the first person to be executed by lethal injection in the United States.

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On this day in 1993, Long Island Railroad passenger Colin Ferguson murders six people and injures 19 others on the LIRR in Nassau County, New York.

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On this day in 1995, the Galileo spacecraft arrives at Jupiter, a little more than six years after it was launched by Space Shuttle Atlantis during Mission STS-34.

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On this day in 2003, the Conservative Party of Canada is officially recognized after the merger of the Canadian Alliance and Progressive Conservative Party of Canada.

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On this day in 2000, magnificently belligerent gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson writes the following:
"There was one exact moment, in fact, when I knew for sure that Al Gore would Never be President of the United States, no matter what the experts were saying - and that was when the whole Bush family suddenly appeared on TV and openly scoffed at the idea of Gore winning Florida... Losing was out of the question. Here was the whole bloody Family laughing and hooting and sneering at the dumbness of the whole world on National TV. The old man was the real tip-off. The leer on his face was almost frightening. It was like looking into the eyes of a tall hyena with a living sheep in its mouth."

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 6


On this day in 1648, colonel Thomas Pride of the New Model Army purges the Long Parliament of MPs sympathetic to King Charles I of England, in order for the King's trial to go ahead; came to be known as "Pride's Purge".

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On this day in 1768, the first edition of the Encyclopædia Britannica is published.

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On this day in 1884, the Washington (Freemason) Monument in Washington D.C. is completed.

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On this day in 1917, the most destructive man-made explosion of the pre-atomic age occurs when the French munitions ship Mont Blanc - bound for Europe, where World War I was raging - collides with the Norwegian vessel Imo in Canada's Halifax Harbor, setting off 35 tons of benzol, 300 tons of ammunition, 10 tons of gun cotton, 2,300 tons of picric acid, and 400,000 pounds of TNT. Over 2,000 people were evaporated. Another 9,000 were wounded. The city's north end was utterly destroyed. 1,600 homes were reduced to kindling. The barrel of one of Mont Blanc's cannons was found weeks later, three and a half miles from the explosion site. Windows 50 miles away were shattered in their frames, and people three hundred miles away heard the terrifying roar. An official Canadian inquiry into the disaster eventually ruled, and I quote: "it was just a plain bad luck stupid accident." Those gosh-darned Canucks... always so polite and forgiving!

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On this day in 1928, the government of Colombia sends military forces to suppress a month-long strike by United Fruit Company workers, resulting in an unknown number of deaths.

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On this day in 1953, Vladimir Nabokov completes his controversial novel Lolita.

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On this day in 1969, a black man named Meredith Hunter is killed by the Hells Angels during a Rolling Stones concert at the Altamont Speedway in California after allegedly pulling out a pistol during the show and aiming it at Mick Jagger, who was performing "Sympathy for the Devil" on stage.

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On this day in 1989, just after 5 PM, Mark Lepine strolled into the University of Montréal's engineering building with a .223 calibre semi-automatic rifle. A man after hate-radio superstar Rush Limbaugh's shriveled, shit-encrusted heart, Lepine shouted "You're all a bunch of feminists!" as he blasted bullets into the female students he lined up against the wall, after ordering all the men to leave the classroom. By the end of his spree, Lepine had murdered fourteen women and injured thirteen more.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 5



Remember the rowdy ruckus raised by pro-Dubya protesters outside the Miami-Dade County elections office in early December 2000? You might have missed it, as most of the major media didn't pay much attention, but the 'demonstration' basically involved a lot of chanting, pounding, fist-waving, knuckle-dragging and drooling. They didn't have much to say, really. They were just angry that a manual recount was taking place at all, because deep down, they knew fewer people in Florida (and the country) voted for their boy than for Al Gore.

At a certain point, however, things got ugly. The 'protesters' chased and assaulted a vote-counter - knocking a few innocent bystanders on their asses in the process - after one of them claimed he saw that person "stealing a ballot" (it turned out to be a sample ballot used by all vote-counters).

"Hey," you might be saying to yourself at this point, "I can grok that. People take their politics very seriously. Tempers flare." And you'd be right, of course, but just in case you're laboring under the impression that those protesters were every-day, pissed-off citizens venting their anger at a process they believed to somehow be unfair... think again. They were paid Republican flunkies, flown in from all over the country by the Bush campaign... and it's time to name names.

1. Tom Pyle, policy analyst, office of House Majority Whip Tom DeLay (R-Tex.).

2. Garry Malphrus, majority chief counsel and staff director, House Judiciary subcommittee on criminal justice.

3. Rory Cooper, political division staff member at the National Republican Congressional Committee.

4. Kevin Smith, former House Republican conference analyst and more recently of Voter.com.

5. Steven Brophy, former aide to Sen. Fred D. Thompson (R-Tenn.), who went on to work at the consulting firm KPMG.

6. Matt Schlapp, former chief of staff for Rep. Todd Tiahrt (R-Kan.), moved on to the Bush campaign staff in Austin.

7. Roger Morse, aide to Rep. Van Hilleary (R-Tenn.).

8. Duane Gibson, aide to Chairman Don Young (R-Alaska) of the House Resources Committee.

9. Chuck Royal, legislative assistant to Rep. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.).

10. Layna McConkey, former legislative assistant to former Rep. Jim Ross Lightfoot (R-Iowa), eventually got a job at Steelman Health Strategies.

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On this day in 1484, Pope Innocent VIII issues the Summis desiderantes, a papal bull that deputizes Heinrich Kramer and James Sprenger as inquisitors to root out alleged witchcraft in Germany and leads to one of the most oppressive witch hunts in European history. 

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On this day in the year 1876, a fire breaks out at a Brooklyn Theater, killing 295 people. Most of the victims didn't burn, but were trampled to death during the rush to the doors. From this horrific event, we get the popular phrase: "All's well that ends well!" Wait a minute... that's can't be right.

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HAPPY WET DAY! On this day in 1933, after fourteen miserable years, the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is ratified, repealing the 18th Amendment and bringing an end to the era of national prohibition of alcohol in America! So let's all raise a glass and toast to the hope that, one day soon, The Powers That Be will see the light and put a similarly swift, inglorious end to the current prohibition against that blessed, multifaceted weed, marijuana!

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On this day in 1952, a cold fog descends upon London, combining with air pollution and killing at least 12,000 in the weeks and months that follow.

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On this day in 1969, the four node ARPANET network is established

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It was on this day in the year 2001 that Dean Kamen let everybody down when he revealed the TRUTH about his latest invention, which had been hyped for months as a revolutionary technological innovation that would irreversibly change the course of human history. It's a wonder people didn't riot in the streets when it was revealed that "Ginger" - or "It" as an overly-dramatic press corps had taken to calling it - was nothing but a bulky scooter capable of traveling an underwhelming 12 miles per hour. As Kamen demonstrated his $3000 toy for the first time on Good Morning America, he dutifully preached the benefits: "It's like a pair of magic sneakers!" he said, his voice edging dangerously close to desperation. "This is the world's first self-balancing human transporter! It does what a human does - it has gyros and sensors that act like your inner ear; it has a computer that does what your brain does for you. It's got motors that do what your muscles do for you. It's got those tires that do what your feet do for you!" Maybe one day, "genius" inventor Kamen will create something that's useful to those of us whose inner ears, brains, muscles and feet are all in good working order.

Monday, December 4, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 4


On this day in 1829, in the face of fierce local opposition, British governor Lord William Bentinck issues a regulation declaring that all who abet suttee in India are guilty of culpable homicide.

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On this day in 1872, the crewless American ship Mary Celeste is found by the British brig Dei Gratia. The ship had been abandoned for nine days but was only slightly damaged.

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On this day in 1875, notorious New York City politician Boss Tweed escapes from prison and flees to Cuba, then Spain.

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On this day in 1918, US President Woodrow Wilson sails for the World War I peace talks in Versailles, becoming the first US president to travel to Europe while in office.

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On this day in 1921, the first Virginia Rappe manslaughter trial against roly-poly movie comic actor Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle ends in a hung jury.

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On this day in 1954, the first Burger King is opened in Miami, Florida, United States

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On this day in 1956, the Million Dollar Quartet (Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, and Johnny Cash) get together at Sun Studios for the first and last time.

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The FBI commits a de facto political assassination on this day in 1969 when Black Panther Party members Fred Hampton and Mark Clark are shot and killed in their sleep during a raid by 14 Chicago police officers and federal officials.

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On this day in 1971, the Montreux Casino in Switzerland is set ablaze by someone wielding a flare gun during a Frank Zappa concert; the incident would be noted in the Deep Purple song "Smoke on the Water".

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On this day in 1980, English rock group Led Zeppelin officially disbands, following the death of drummer John Bonham on September 25th.

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On this day in 1981, President Ronald Reagan signs a bill - Executive Order 12333 - which allows the CIA to legally engage in DOMESTIC counter-intelligence. Basically, this meant that America's intelligence forces were given carte blanche to "surveil" individuals and groups, even if they weren't breaking any laws or acting on behalf of any foreign power. Today, thirty-two years later…

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It was on this day in 1988 that actor Gary Busey became the poster-boy for helmet laws after losing control of his motorcycle, skidding over a hundred feet, and kissing the curb with his bare-naked forehead at thirty miles per hour. Shortly after his accident, Goofy-boy "found" the Lord. Sadly, Busey has yet to recover from either of those two unfortunate mishaps.

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On this day in 1991, journalist Terry A. Anderson is released after 7 years in captivity as a hostage in Beirut. He is the last and longest-held American hostage in Lebanon.

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On this day in 1992, President George H. W. Bush orders 28,000 US troops to Somalia in Northeast Africa. Later when the events chronicled in the film Blackhawk Down take place, it’s all blamed on Bill Clinton, who became President AFTER Bush ordered troops into that hell-zone.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 3


On this day in 1854, in what is claimed by many to be the birth of Australian democracy, more than 20 gold miners at Ballarat, Victoria, Australia are killed by state troopers in an uprising over mining licences.

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On this day in 1901, US President Theodore Roosevelt delivers a 20,000-word speech to the House of Representatives asking the Congress to curb the power of trusts "within reasonable limits".

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On this day in 1970, in Montreal, Quebec, kidnapped British Trade Commissioner James Cross is released by the Front de libération du Québec terrorist group after being held hostage for 60 days. Police negotiate his release and in return the Canadian government grants five terrorists from the FLQ's Chenier Cell their request for safe passage to Cuba.

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On this day in 1976, an assassination attempt is made on Bob Marley. He is shot twice, but plays a concert two days later.

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On this day in 1979, eleven concertgoers are trampled to death during a Who concert in Cincinnati. This tragedy prompts the producers of the hit sitcom WKRP to do a very special episode dealing with the tragedy, and calling for an end to festival seating. Thank you, Johnny Fever! Meanwhile, in Persia, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini becomes the first Supreme Leader of Iran.

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On this day in 1982, a soil sample is taken from Times Beach, Missouri that will be found to contain 300 times the safe level of dioxin.

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On this day in the year 1984, the Creeping Death sent by God to kill every first-born Egyptian son back in the days of Moses swings by for an encore when a leak at the Union Carbide plant in Bhopal, India creates a deadly cyanide fog that kills an estimated sixteen thousand of the world's poorest people. Meanwhile, down in Hell, Satan, laughing, spreads his wings.

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On this day in 1989, in a meeting off the coast of Malta, US President George H. W. Bush and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev release statements indicating that the cold war between NATO and The Soviet Union may be coming to an end.

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On this day in 1999, NASA loses radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander moments before the spacecraft enters the Martian atmosphere.

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On this day in the year 2000, O.J. Simpson once again loses his cool and yanks a pair of glasses off the face of one Jeffrey Pattison, who had just made the mistake of flicking his high-beams at the Juice to catch his attention after he'd run a stop sign. The really weird thing about this case is the fact that cops only figured out it was O.J. they were looking for after they found one broken lens on the floor of Pattison's car, and the other lens right outside Simpson's Florida estate-in-exile! When confronted with the evidence, Orenthal reportedly shouted: "I wouldn't wear them ugly-ass glasses!" then started whining about how this was one of the worst frame jobs he'd ever seen. Get it? Frame job? Glasses? Ahhh... screw you, that's funny stuff right there!

Saturday, December 2, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 2


On this day in 1763, the Touro Synagogue is dedicated in Newport, Rhode Island. It is the first synagogue in what will become the United States.

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On this day in 1823, during a State of the Union message, US President James Monroe proclaims American neutrality in future European conflicts, and warns European powers not to interfere in the Americas. This is what will come to be known as the Monroe Doctrine.

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On this day in 1845, in a State of the Union message, US President James K. Polk proposes that the United States should aggressively expand into the West. This is what will come to be known as Manifest Destiny.

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On this day in 1851, French President Louis-Napoléon Bonaparte overthrows the Second Republic. One year later, he becomes Emperor of the French as Napoleon III. It is from Karl Marx’s excellent essay, The 18th Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte, written one year later, that we get the phrase: “Hegel remarks somewhere that all great world-historic facts and personages appear, so to speak, twice. He forgot to add: the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.”

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On this day in 1859, militant abolitionist leader John Brown is hanged for his October 16th raid on Harpers Ferry, West Virginia.

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On this day in 1867, at Tremont Temple in Boston, British author Charles Dickens gives his first public reading in the United States.

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On this day in 1942, during the Manhattan Project, a team led by Enrico Fermi initiates the first self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction.

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On this day, in 1952, a Colorado television station runs the first ever publicly televised footage of a woman giving birth. Couch potatoes all over the state are shocked to learn that the so-called "miracle of life" is actually a bloody, grotesque spasm of screaming agony, gushing fluids and cunt-splitting horror.

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On this day in 1968, President Nixon appoints Henry Kissinger to the post of Security Advisor. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1980, 4 US nuns and churchwomen, Ita Ford, Maura Clarke, Jean Donovan, and Dorothy Kazel, are murdered by a right-wing, CIA-backed military death squad.

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On this day in 1982, at the University of Utah, Barney Clark becomes the first person to receive a permanent artificial heart.

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On this day in 1983, at the Comdex electronics trade show in Las Vegas, the so-called Windows War begins in earnest as over a dozen software companies - including VisiCorp, Apple and Microsoft - demonstrate some kind of mouse-based, window-centered user/computer interface technology. Despite taking longest and achieving the least impressive results, Admiral Gates and his Microsoft army ultimately win the Windows War by using "war of attrition" tactics.

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On this day in 1993, Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar is shot and killed in Medellín.

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On this day in 2001, the assholes behind that Dubya-backing “Big Money” Texas energy conglomerate Enron file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection... the swine.

Friday, December 1, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 1



On this day in 1947, mountaineer, poet, philosopher, occultist and junkie Aleister Crowley dies at the tender age of 74. Celebrating a birthday today are John Birch Society founder Robert Welch (1899), incestuous pederast auteur Woody Allen (1935), human bonfire Richard Pryor (1940), former piece-of-ass Charlene Tilton (1958) and born-again supermodel Carol Alt (1960). Bone fat, all you lovely people!

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On this day in 1862, in his State of the Union Address, President Abraham Lincoln reaffirms the necessity of ending slavery as ordered ten weeks earlier in the Emancipation Proclamation. Three years later, on this day in 1865, Shaw University, the first historically black university in the southern United States, is founded in Raleigh, North Carolina.

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On this day in 1885, the soft drink Dr Pepper is served for the first time ever at a drug store in Waco, Texas.

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On this day in the year 1929, a man named Edwin S. Lowe helps to make "games of chance" acceptable in the eyes of God - according to the Catholic Church, anyway - by inventing the game of BINGO!

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On this day in 1952, the New York Daily News reports the news of Christine Jorgensen, the first notable case of sexual reassignment surgery.

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On this day in 1955, in Montgomery, Alabama, seamstress Rosa Parks refuses to give up her bus seat to a white man and is arrested for violating the city's racial segregation laws, an incident which leads to the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

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On this day in 1969, the first draft lottery in the United States is held since World War II.

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On this day in 1984, NASA conducts the Controlled Impact Demonstration, wherein an airliner is deliberately crashed in order to test technologies and gather data to help improve survivability of crashes.


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On this day in the year 2000, somebody finds something really gross in their Chicken McNuggets. Hey, at least it wasn't a dick!

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On this day in 2013 - TODAY! - China launches Yutu or Jade Rabbit, its first lunar rover, as part of the Chang'e 3 lunar exploration mission.


Thursday, November 30, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 30


A shitload of funny people were born on this day, including Jonathan Swift (1667) who wrote Gulliver's Travels and suggested the wealthy should eat poor babies in his black satirical masterpiece, A Modest Proposal, Samuel Clemens (1835) who, as Mark Twain, was even better as a political muckraker than he was as a novelist; Sir Winston Churchill (1874), whose rapier wit left his verbal adversaries twitching like bugs in the dust; and, finally, G. Gordon Liddy (1930), the fascistic Watergate felon whose syndicated radio show used to provide more laughs-per-hour than any episode of Saturday Night Live, notwithstanding the fact that he isn't joking.

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From this day in 3340 BC, we have the first ever confirmed historical recording of a solar eclipse.

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On this day in 1554, "Bloody" Mary Tudor becomes Queen of England and re-instates Roman Catholicism as the state religion. Once installed, Mary promptly gives orders for over three hundred Protestant leaders to be burned at the stake.

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On this day in 1936, London's Crystal Palace is destroyed by fire. Who knew crystal could burn?!

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Despite the fact that The Beatles had only just split up a few months earlier, George Harrison somehow managed to throw together a triple album of all-new material which was released on this day in 1970. Entitled All Things Must Pass, the record spawned the hit single "My Sweet Lord", which spawned a lawsuit over the similarities between that tune and "He's So Fine (Do Lang Do Lang Do Lang)". Ah, George Harrison... Now, more than ever, "the quiet one."

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On this day in 1982, the biggest selling record in history is unleashed upon an unsuspecting world: Michael Jackson's second solo album, Thriller, produced by Quincy Jones.

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Operation Desert Storm officially ends on this day in 1995.

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On this day in 1999, in Seattle, Washington, The Powers That Be suffer a rude awakening when protests against the WTO meeting by anti-globalization protesters prove to be so intense and forceful that the elite, anti-democratic event's opening ceremonies have to be cancelled. HA-ha! Ever since that game-changing day in Seattle, however, TPTB have ratcheted up the police state tactics and strong-arm rhetoric. Not so HA-ha, that...

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 29


On this day in 1729, Natchez Indians massacre 138 Frenchmen, 35 French women, and 56 children at Fort Rosalie, near the site of modern-day Natchez, Mississippi. One hundred and thirty five years later, on this day in 1864, 150 Cheyenne Indians – mostly women and children – are slaughtered by a restless band of Colorado militiamen. Despite the fact that the tribe was supposedly under the protection of the U.S. Army, the militia's leader – Col. John M. Chivington of the Colorado Volunteers – was never brought up on charges.

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On this day in 1781, the crew of the British slave ship Zong murders 133 Africans by dumping them into the sea to in one of the most black-hearted insurance scams in history.

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On this day in 1929, U.S. Admiral Richard Byrd becomes the first person to fly over the South Pole.

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On this day in 1947, French troops massacre hundreds of Vietnamese, including 170 women and 157 children, in the village of My Trach, during the First Indochina War. Jeez, what is it about this day in history that leads to so much evil and death?!

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40 years of non-stop LIES began on this day in 1963 when president Lyndon Johnson set up the Warren Commission to "investigate" the assassination of JFK. Today, things are so bad that we have to rely on information sources such as High Times to give us a brief glimpse of truth.

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On this day in 1972, Japanese entertainment conglomerate Atari announces the release of "Pong", the first commercially successful video game.

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On this day in 1981, actress Natalie Wood takes the Big Swim about twenty years too late to become a James Dean-level Hollywood legend. Now she's just a Rock Hudson-level Hollywood legend... and Christopher Walken's first murder victim. I kid, of course.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 28


On this day in 1520, after navigating through a strait at the southern end of South America, three ships under the command of Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan reach the Pacific Ocean, becoming the first Europeans to sail from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific.

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On this day in 1582, in Stratford-upon-Avon, William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway pay a £40 bond for their marriage licence.

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On this day in 1895, America's first ever auto race takes place. Six cars participate in the race, which covers a 55 mile course. The winner averages a white-knuckle speed of 7 miles per hour. No foolin!

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On this day in 1905, Irish nationalist Arthur Griffith founds Sinn Féin as a political party with the main aim of establishing a dual monarchy in Ireland.

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On this day in 1907, in Haverhill, Massachusetts, scrap-metal dealer Louis B. Mayer opens his first movie theater.

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On this day in 1909, Sergei Rachmaninoff makes the debut performance of his Piano Concerto No. 3, considered to be one of the most technically challenging piano concertos in the standard classical repertoire.

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On this day in 1925, the Grand Ole Opry begins broadcasting in Nashville, Tennessee as "WSM Barn Dance".

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On this day in 1942, in Boston, Massachusetts, a fire in the Cocoanut Grove nightclub kills 491 people.

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On this day in 1966, Michel Micombero overthrows the monarchy of Burundi and makes himself the first president.

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On this day in 1994, cannibal murderer Jeffrey Dahmer is bludgeoned to death by fellow inmate Christopher Scarver, who also kills the third man on their work detail. This incident goes a long way towards discrediting the cherished notion that cannibals-are-indestructable-genius-psychopaths-who-can't-be-stopped-by-mere-mortals myth that the movies try to propagate.

Monday, November 27, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 27


On this day in 511, King Clovis I dies at Paris and is buried in the Abbey of St. Genevieve. The Merovingian Dynasty is continued by his four sons – Theuderic I, Chlodomer, Childebert I and Chlothar I – who divide the Frankish Kingdom and rule from the capitals at Metz, Orléans, Paris and Soissons.

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On this day in 602, Emperor Maurice is forced to watch his five sons be executed before being beheaded himself. Their bodies are thrown into the sea and their heads are exhibited in Constantinople.

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On this day in 1835, James Pratt and John Smith are hanged in London; they are the last two to be executed for sodomy in England.

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On this day in 1895, at the Swedish-Norwegian Club in Paris, Alfred Nobel signs his last will and testament, setting aside his estate to establish the Nobel Prize after he dies.

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On this day in 1924, in New York City, the first Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is held.

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On this day in 1971, the Soviet space program's Mars 2 orbiter releases a descent module. It malfunctions and crashes, but it is the first man-made object to reach the surface of Mars.

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On this day in 1973, the United States Senate votes 92 to 3 to confirm the 25th Amendment, declaring Gerald Ford Vice President of the United States. The House confirms it 387 to 35 on December 6 of the same year.
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On this day in 1975, the Provisional IRA assassinates Ross McWhirter, after a press conference in which he'd announced a reward for the capture of those responsible for multiple bombings and shootings across England.

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On this day in 1978, angered over a political snub, homo-hating retired police officer Dan White strolls into San Francisco City Hall and empties his gun into Mayor George Moscone, then reloads and guns down City Supervisor Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay men in America to hold political office. After being apprehended, former star athlete White blamed his murderous rampage on the fact that he had recently gorged on Coca-Cola and Twinkies snack cakes, a defense which managed to convince the rogue-cop-friendly jury that found him guilty of voluntary manslaughter rather than murder. Imagine if somebody murdered New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and others, then got off with a seven year sentence, and you begin to comprehend the outrage this sparked among San Franciscans and others at the time. In 1986, White finally did the right thing, taking a long swim up a tailpipe and into the bright white light of the sweet oblivion he so richly deserved.

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On this day in the year 2000 – on Day 20 of the Election 2000 fiasco – Al Gore's lawyers file three challenges objecting to Katherine Harris's premature certification of Dubya as the winner in Florida, while Dubya's lawyers continued to insist that hand-counting votes, even statewide, would somehow lead to pro-Gore shenanigans. Meanwhile, north of the border, in a move seemingly designed to embarrass and shame the USA, Canada holds their federal elections. Every single vote is counted by hand. Incumbent Prime Minister Jean Chretien is declared the winner on the very same day.

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On this day in 2001, a hydrogen atmosphere is discovered on the extra-solar planet Osiris by the Hubble Space Telescope, the first atmosphere detected on an extra-solar planet.

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On this day in 2005, the first partial human face transplant is completed in Amiens, France.