Wednesday, July 5, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 5


On this day in 1456, in a case of closing the barn door after the horses have escaped, the tractor has been stolen and the barn, itself, has been reduced to kindling, a tribunal declares Joan of Arc to be innocent of the crimes for which she was burned at the stake.

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Happy birthday to John Paul Jones, born on this day in 1747! John Paul was the sea-going hero who uttered the immortal words: "I have not yet begun to fight." John Paul also stunned the scientific community when he went on to play bass for Led Zeppelin, even though he was well into his two-hundred-and-thirties. Way to keep on rockin' JPJ!

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On this day in 1811, Venezuela becomes the first South American country to declare independence from Spain. Always the trouble-makers, aren't they?

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On this day in 1830, France invades Algeria, and they all live happily ever after! Well... at least until this day in 1962 when, after years of bloody revolt, Algeria gains its independent from France. Huzzah!

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On this day in 1865, some Jesus-freak by the name of William Booth founds The Christian Mission, which would later be renamed The Salvation Army. They may eventually come to regret that name-change, as rumor has it that former Preznit Dubya once considered the possibility of deploying these bell-ringing pan-handlers to Iraq.

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On this day in 1944, the Ringling Brothers Circus lives up to its stated goal of providing the "Greatest Show on Earth" when their big-top catches fire in Hartford, Connecticut. 170 people are roasted to their deaths in the infernal conflagration, giving new meaning to the old showbiz term, SHOWSTOPPER!

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On this day in 1975, tennis player Arthur Ashe becomes the first - and last - black man to win the Wimbledon singles title. He then went on to die of AIDS. Coincidence? Pfeh! Don't make me laugh.

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On this day in 1989, twenty five years ago, the sitcom Seinfeld airs its first episode on NBC. All together now: "WHAT?!?!"

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On this day of the year 2014, half the back yards in America stink of spent gunpowder, cheap beer and boozy hot-dog vomit. Don't worry about it, though... they say it's good for the lawn!

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